he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
