Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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