I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
