I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
