I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
