filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
