I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
