it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
how drunk are you?
Several
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
