I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
