She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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