Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
