; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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