I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
