weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
