Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
