i don't like sucking hair
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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