WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
