we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You've changed since you got that strap on
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
