using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The power of my boobs compel you
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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