your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
