She's JV to your varsity
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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