Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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