I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
