This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
