i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
