is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
