If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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