I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
