Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
