wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
