he puts the penis in happiness.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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