You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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