apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
