Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
