dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
