You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
