Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
