I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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