i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
