Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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