I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
