it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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