So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
