in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
