dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
