I need help removing her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
