I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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