my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
