addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
