Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
